I almost feel like my thoughts on leadership and ethics haven’t really changed much this year—it’s more that my conviction in certain beliefs has become stronger and I am more aware of what I was maybe just slightly conscious of before. The depth of my understanding of certain issues increased and my thoughts about leadership (due in large part to all these discussion boards) became definitively more organized. College was what I expected, but I changed much more than I thought I would and my actions were different form what I would have predicted this time last year. It was the true picture of what I’d imagined my senior year of high school; I just didn’t know it was going to be “quite different on beyond” (142).
For example, I have a newfound respect for people who can keep their audiences engaged, motivated, and entertained. Out of my teachers this year, I can definitely think of those that possessed a certain quality of leadership that I wish every leader had. So, my understanding of the effect a good leader can have on people changed a great deal. Dr. Stoff is one example of a teacher who changed my perspective on what makes a good leader (ha, on the future as well—I didn’t even plan that!). His commanding presence in the room made his one lecture I saw this semester one of the most engaging lectures I’ve ever listened to. I took in more from that lecture than probably any of my biology lectures this semester. This was probably due to his organization and also merely his speaking abilities. From the experience of retaining so much of this lecture gave me a newfound respect for engaging teachers that I enjoy listening to. Also, being a class leader expanded my knowledge of how a leader should act. As I considered what I would discuss with the class the next day, I found that what most interested everybody was something that I was interested in discussing as well. Following my intuition, I led the discussion in what I wanted to talk about and we had a really great class, sharing viewpoints on religion and our own personal experiences with spirituality. So, while I always knew that a good leader needs to be able to command the attention of a room and have a knowledge of how to engage the audience, I experienced this much more this year.
My understanding of how to actually be a leader has increased this semester and I have a much firmer understanding of my previous theories on leadership.
As far as ethics go, I have learned quite a bit outside of the classroom, especially with the issue of sexism and racism. In World Lit, we had readings on sexism and racism and these readings definitely got me thinking about the issue. Racism was already something that I had a huge opinion about and I have fought hard against it all my life. However, I’ve found that even in my friends living in the dorms, racist and sexist jokes are still very popular. This has given me a good look into how our society works and my own participation in these occasional remarks has taught me quite a bit about just how convicted I am about this issue. I feel ashamed that I let my peers draw me into these jokes, especially when I’ve always had such a strong dislike for racism. Although these are in fact jokes, comments like this are never going to bring us closer to a world where racism is nonexistent. So, I’ve realized that a lot of people are willing to let peer pressure and society’s standards overcome their ethical motivation to fight racism. Or maybe they just don’t care. But if I’ve learned anything this year, it’s that it is incredibly hard to stick to your ethical convictions when you’re trying so hard to find your niche in a new setting and fit in with other people. Like Alice said “‘there’s hardly enough of me left to make one respectable person’” (18). We strive so hard to fit in and be “exactly like other people” that we lose a bit of ourselves in the process (219).
So, maybe ethics are implanted deep within a person, but they also don’t take much to unearth and we are often playing at who we really are in social settings, rather than staying true to one, real personality. While the feeling remains that these actions are wrong, following through with them is often difficult.
So, maybe I didn’t really learn all that much about leadership and ethics. I made all sorts of connections that I’ve never needed to make before, but not very much new information is present: just those connections. However, I think I’ve grown quite a bit as a person this year and the Cheshire Cat is right: if I “walk long enough,” I’m “sure to get [somewhere]” (65). And I have gotten somewhere; I’ve learned a great deal about myself and the person that I want to become in the years to follow.
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