For a long time now, I have recognized in myself a certain aspect of my personality: that is, I crave the presence of other people in my life. Sure, I need my alone time as do most people, but I think my alone time is considerably lower than most others. I like to be around people, constantly interacting with them, sharing my thoughts and feelings. I like to share things I enjoy, a funny joke, a happy story, a triumph. But I also need other people—I share with them my hopes, fears, sadness. I’m not sure if this is some personality flaw that I have in which I’m unable to deal with things on my own or if it is me trying to connect myself to others and this is the means by which I do it. Whatever the reason, I need people and I think through these interactions I am bringing myself closer to them. For example, as I write this DB, I find myself very thankful that I am down here in the Andrews lobby with Reuben and Lauren rather than sitting in my quiet and darkened room. Sure, I didn’t accomplish as much as I would have hoped tonight and lost sleep over it, but I find myself content. And thus, while I appreciate the isolation that Siddhartha puts himself in, I do not think I could accomplish the goals of my pilgrimage that way. I do not seek the path to enlightenment. I think we all seek our own happiness above all other things. And my happiness depends greatly on the presence of the people I love. So, I guess my question is: Is Siddhartha searching for enlightenment or his own happiness? Does his happiness depend on becoming enlightened? I guess it everyone’s choice what they seek in life, but when it comes down to it, I think most people would answer happiness. Siddhartha is a special individual who can put something else before that and while I commend him for it, I also recognize that through his means, I could not accomplish the goals of my pilgrimage. I must being playing the game the Siddhartha sees everyone playing, “a game for children,” in which I am happy to repeat over and over (79).
However, I found it very easy to relate to seeing the world in a different way. I have found myself in a situation a couple times in my life in which “the sun shone differently upon the head, the shade of the forest cooled [me] differently, the stream and the cistern were different…” (Hesse 46). Over the summer, I climbed a 14,000-foot mountain (nicknamed 14ers). Upon reaching the top, all we could see for miles in every direction were mountains upon mountains. It was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen. And up there so high after working so hard to get there, everything seemed different, but also perfect. The wind felt different, the colors seemed different, and the heat of the sun warmed me in such a way that I’ve never felt anywhere else. And although I was with other people, I think this was one of those moments of isolation that Siddhartha learned from. I was realizing some things on my own and reflecting inwardly more than just chatting it up on top of the mountain. And I think because these thoughts were kept to myself, I learned much more. People are embarrassed to share some things with others so they repress certain thoughts and ideas that they would normally have reflected on. While I sat on top of that mountain and just thought about nature and life, I’m sure that I would’ve kept most of my thoughts to myself even if I had wanted to talk with the others. Thus, I just let everything flow freely and I am glad because I saw so many new things that way. I think I can truly relate to this feeling inside Siddhartha: “light and shadow ran through his eyes, and the stars and moon ran through his heart” (46).
Also, in relation to unity, I have to say that I agree wholeheartedly with Siddhartha in that nature has such a capacity to bring people together. On our excursion on Sunday, I was sitting calmly in one of the trees, writing about what I saw and felt with nature (which was a lot, let me tell you), a man and his son approached me and began talking to me. I talked with them for a while and got to know them. Afterward I think I can safely saw that I had the same smile that Siddhartha had when he was “happy about the friendship and the kindness of the ferryman” (49). Nature is unity and if we truly take the time to sit and appreciate it I think most of us could realize it’s capacity for love and bringing people together. Its very existence allows people to interact and enjoy each others’ company, which I fully appreciated and understood on Sunday.
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