Many memories from my childhood stand out to me and upon further reflection, I now understand why (2). My dad owns a bit of property in Rockport, which is on the coast of Texas, near Corpus Christi. He has a small cabin right on the bay and we used to have a motorboat that he would take my sister and I out in. Once, while we were riding the boat around the bay at sunset, a family of dolphins began to follow us. I remember feeling as exhilarated as I had ever felt in my childhood and as I sat in the front of the boat, excitedly watching them swim alongside us, one of the dolphins jumped up directly in front of me. Although the sudden movement startled me, the moment felt precious and sacred in my mind. This encounter with these friendly, wild creatures is something that has stood out to me for my entire life. I can recall another time in Rockport when my dad took us on a guided fishing trip. The guide wanted to get away from the nearby pod of dolphins because they scared the fish off, but I remember feeling more enthralled by seeing the beautiful animals than catching big fish. I wanted to stay in the same area and watch these amazing creatures for the rest of the day. My encounters with dolphins now skip many years to this summer when my family took a cruise to Alaska. While we were at open sea on the second day, our ship went straight through a huge pod of dolphins. The wildlife expert on the ship said there were at least fifty of them travelling together at the time. I remember my heart soaring as I saw them jumping through the water alongside the ship. I could almost feel their joy: the cold water slapping against their bellies as they fell, the smooth feeling as they raced through the currents, and the pleasure that had in being together with their family in that beautiful sunny morning. At that time, I truly believe that my spirit was down there with them.
This is a picture of a dolphin swimming right in front of a boat. Although it isn't my picture, it is exactly how it looked that time we were out in the bay and the dolphin came up in front of me.
http://k53.pbase.com/g4/89/676989/2/63422434.fyCeFAPJ.jpg
Remembering back on these times, I can almost believe that I am “capable of walking the threads that link the invisible and visible worlds” (3) as shamans were known to be. I have found lately that I am not content to merely sit back and allow myself to rely on these chance experiences with dolphins. Over the summer (after our trip to Alaska) I pondered more and more over the idea of being a marine biologist or veterinarian specializing in marine animal treatment. It would be an enormous joy to me to work with dolphins almost daily. Reading about dolphin behaviors and emotional tendencies can only get me so far and I would love to interact with them on a regular basis.
In comparing my habits to those of a dolphin, I like to imagine that we are somewhat alike. “Dolphins are known for their ability and playful behavior” (4) and while I am not necessarily agile, I think of myself as a very playful person. Dolphins also love swimming together in groups, “synchronizing their movements with one another” (4) and I can relate to that with my love of dancing. I took a dance class for my P.E. credit last year and I loved getting together for group choreography projects and coming up with dances that flowed well and fit together. I can picture a group of dolphins’ synchronized movements and I like to imagine them dancing (if not in the way we do) with similar spirit and enthusiasm that I did with the people in my dance class. I also associate dolphins with their ability to learn quickly, especially when taught by humans. I can relate to this behavior; I play the piano and I have often heard my teachers comment on how well I can sight-read (5). I pick up on the notes and the way the piece is supposed to sound quickly and I can relate this to how dolphins pick up on tricks and human activity quickly. On that note, I have come to the love, and familiar myself with, the sounds that dolphins make. They use echolocation and other forms of communication and “are almost always constantly vocal” (6). I love hearing them talk to each other, much as I love talking to other people. I am an avid socialite and love chatting with people. Whether on the phone, one-on-one, or in a large group of people, I enjoy talking about a variety of things and I can almost always think of something to say. Perhaps that is why I came up as an extrovert on my personality test and why I think that dolphins would most certainly be categorized as extroverts. Their social behavior, which consists of travelling in large families and communicating with each other constantly by many different means, connects me with them and with extroverted habits I possess. Dolphins like to play together and are resourceful in what they find to entertain themselves with. “Both young and old dolphins chase one another, carry objects around, toss seaweed to one another, and use objects to solicit interaction” (6). This reminds me much of human sports. I love playing sports with other people and being active, which is much like the personality of a dolphin. All in all, dolphins seem to me intelligent, playful, social, and they also form strong bonds with their families and friends. I am all of these things: I love learning and learn quickly, I form strong friendships with few people rather than loose ones with many, and I am extremely social and playful. I can almost imagine myself swimming in a group of dolphins and playing the games they play and forming bonds of my own.
Here is a picture of dolphins traveling together in groups:
http://www.dolphinreef.co.il/Portals/0/Group%20of%20Dolphins%20uw.jpg
Here are two of my dance projects choreographed with other members of the class (please excuse that they aren't terribly together...nerves + too few rehearsals...):
Moreover, my connection with dolphins does not just consist of me thinking about them and talking about ways that I can relate to them. In the guided meditation, I had a very interesting interaction with dolphins. I listened to the rhythmic drumming and allowed myself to follow the instructions. The tunnel part for me was icy and I was sliding rapidly down and shot out the bottom of the tunnel onto a frozen over body of water. Although I saw polar bears, I did not interact with them. I walked across the frozen area and far out I could see a pod of dolphins. Then, as the narrator told me to imagine myself going back up the tunnel with my totem animal, I could picture myself going up almost as rapidly as I came down only this time I was holding on to the fins of two dolphins that were miraculously sliding (or perhaps swimming, even though there was no water) up the tunnel. Although this may be unrealistic (I realize that dolphins probably don’t live in the same location as polar bears and of course dolphins cannot swim uphill on land…) it is a faithful account of what I saw in this guided meditation experiment and I found it very interesting. I connected with my animal and I think the rapidity that we climbed the tunnel went along with the swift beating of the drums and I could feel my heart racing with the animals that carried me back to the light of the real world. “Dreaming and waking were inseparable realities” (7); while the dolphins carried me back to reality and the video ended, I could feel them with me and somehow felt like I was still in that tunnel with them even after the music had stopped.
Although I would associate my main totem animal with a dolphin, a tiger also holds particular significance, especially in my childhood. As little girls, my sister and I loved toy animals. My dad would always buy us little plastic animals (horses, lions, tigers, leopards, bears, eagles—you name it) until we had a collection of well over a hundred. They formed a herd (miraculously they didn’t eat each other) and my sister and I could spend hours playing with them. We would make up stories for them and pretend like they were alive and talking to each other. I think this may have strengthened my love for animals and my desire to be near them and understand them as much as possible. I had one favorite plastic animal and that was a little tiger. Her name was Sarabi (The Lion King was a childhood favorite) and she was my heroine of all the games. It was this little plastic animal that made me believe that I could be as strong and courageous and fearsome as a tiger. This connection with a tiger is relevant to a certain part in my childhood. I may be an extrovert now, but when I was little, I was very shy, particularly around adults. My dad had just remarried and although my new step-mom is extremely nice and understanding (she is a psychologist) I was still new to her presence. In the morning, I would wake up and be very hungry for breakfast, but unwilling to show myself to the adults of the household, especially my step-mom. Thus, I would crawl like a prowling tiger through our living room and stick my head around the doorway into the kitchen. Once Debbie (my step-mom) had acknowledged the presence of a little tiger that was awake and ready to eat, I would feel less shy and come sit at the table like a normal child, not an animal. The tiger, then, helped me overcome my shyness and helped my step-mom and I develop a nice morning routine that, in the end, strengthened our relationship. I find that this relationship with the tiger was a totem that assisted me “through a particularly rough period in [my] life” (8). I needed the tiger to help me through this point in time when I was shy around my new step-mom, but now that we have a good relationship and new adults do not scare me anymore, I can continue without the tiger totem, even though I do carry its special significance with me still. What is different about the tiger totem is that I did not do any guided tests or totem reflections to find out that it was part of my series of totem animals. I needed this animal at a particular time in my life and it came to me and helped me. I did not acknowledge a spiritual connection with it because at the time I was unaware of the meaning of an alternate being (an animal, moreover) having an impact on me. However, I now see the significance in this creature and how it shaped those years.
Imagine a little five-year-old version of me doing this (cute, huh?):
http://cache4.asset-cache.net/xc/dv842096.jpg?v=1&c=IWSAsset&k=2&d=91F5CCEF208281FDB18B10050D1611A4ADB64BEE2FD3BE44F7269EC0EB7C2439
Although I have seen and heard of totem animals before, I had never pursued the idea of having one for myself. However, after looking inside myself and reflecting on my interests in certain animals in my past, it makes sense (9). I understand now that a totem is “an animal spirit guild [that] may remain with [me]” (10) for the rest of my life and look forward to cherishing both the dolphin and the tiger forever with my new experiences ahead.
9) I HAVE always been particularly interested in tigers and dolphins. Even in high school, our school mascot was a tiger. While everyone else thought it was dumb and unoriginal, I felt proud that we were the tigers. I DO feel a special connection with these animals.
10) Farmer, Steven D. "Power Animals." Composition and Reading in World Literature. 414.
Word Count: 2034
Without quotations: 1965
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